Sex & Relationships: How Somatic Therapy Restores Your Magnetism
Many women who come to my practice describe exhaustion. A flatness. A sense that the aliveness they once felt has slowly, quietly drained away.
They tell me they've tried everything—more date nights, better communication, mindfulness apps, affirmations about their worth. And still, much is missing.
What they don't realize yet is that their magnetism didn't disappear because they stopped being attractive, confident, or interesting enough. It vanished because their nervous system has been operating in a state of chronic over-functioning—regulating everyone else's emotions, anticipating needs, managing relational tension, softening their truth to keep the peace.
This isn't a mindset problem. It's a nervous system problem. And that's exactly why somatic therapy works where other approaches fall short.
The Physical Cost of Being “The Good Girl”
When you spend years orienting your entire nervous system around being chosen—making yourself palatable, easy, lovable—your body pays a price that goes far beyond emotional fatigue.
The good girl pattern doesn't just cost you pleasure. It costs you power. It costs you money. It drains your creative life force in exchange for the illusion of safety and belonging.
In somatic therapy, we work directly with what's happening in your body when you begin to shift from please choose me to I choose myself, even if it costs me you. Because that shift—that threshold most women never cross—isn't conceptual. It requires moving through very real, very physical pain.
What Happens in Your Body When You Choose Yourself
The moment you begin to truly choose yourself over connection, your body speaks loudly.
Panic tears through your chest. Your jaw clamps shut. Your shoulders rise like armor, bracing for impact. Your neck seizes with tension. Your stomach flips between dread and disbelief as every attachment wound you've ever carried suddenly flares.
Your breath becomes thin and shallow. Thoughts race faster than your body can process them. You contract. Tears come without permission. Rage rises alongside grief that you didn't know you were holding.
This isn't drama. This is your nervous system encountering the terror of what it perceives as relational death—because every part of your identity built around being good, reasonable, and accommodating is beginning to crack open.
In somatic therapy, we don't bypass this pain or try to think our way through it. We stay with it. We track what's happening in your jaw, your shoulders, your breath, your belly. We help your body discover that it can survive this moment of free fall. This space is where there's no certainty, no guarantee that choosing yourself won't cost you everything.
And then something profound shifts.
The Physical Recalibration: When Your Body Learns Self-Loyalty
Once your nervous system learns I will not abandon you to keep connection. I will not betray you to be loved, your body begins to recalibrate around self-loyalty instead of self-abandonment.
This is where your power returns—not as a concept, but as a felt experience in your body.
Your pelvis relaxes. The chronic tension you've carried there for years begins to release. Your chest opens. The protective armor around your heart softens. Your voice drops into its natural register, no longer pitched high with pleasing, but grounded and resonant with truth.
Libido stirs. Not because you worked on being “more sexual,” but because you stopped leaking your life force through a thousand small acts of over-functioning. The energy that was once dispersed—through explaining, managing, chasing clarity, holding relationships together alone—now stays with you. It accumulates. It becomes palpable.
Why Caretaking Kills Eros
Caretaking roles are fundamentally anti-erotic. When you're constantly outside yourself—monitoring someone else's emotional temperature, softening your needs, making yourself smaller—erotic energy cannot survive.
Eroticism isn't sexuality alone. It's aliveness with boundaries. It's heat born where firmness meets self-orientation.
When your body no longer has to beg for safety, something essential softens. Real sensuality emerges—not performed or manufactured, but organic. It comes from a body that finally trusts itself, and carries itself like it does.
This is what creates the presence others feel before you even speak. A quiet density. Relaxed, grounded, unmistakably alive.
What Magnetism Actually Is
The good girl leaks energy constantly—smiling when she isn't happy, saying yes when her body screams no, editing her truth to preserve connection. By the time she gets home, there's nothing left. No creative spark. No sexual desire. Just deep exhaustion.
The woman who has worked somatically to end that pattern is no longer leaking. Her energy stays with her. She becomes undivided. Unperformed. Real.
That is magnetism.
Not something you have to create or cultivate. Something that emerges naturally the moment you stop abandoning yourself to be chosen.
Sexual energy and creative energy are the same current. When your life force is no longer unconsciously dispersed, it becomes presence. Men accustomed to women performing interest find themselves leaning in without knowing why. Women who have spent their lives accommodating recognize in you something they've been starving for.
The Somatic Path Forward
Somatic therapy doesn't teach you how to be more magnetic. It makes you more magnetic by helping your nervous system learn that you can survive choosing yourself. That the free fall won't actually kill you. That self-loyalty, even when it's terrifying, creates the internal safety from which true desire can flow.
This work isn't about becoming someone new. It's about reclaiming the life force you've been giving away in exchange for belonging.
When your body finally learns it's safe to be anchored in yourself, desire reorganizes around you—not from grasping or need, but from fullness.
Desire follows self-loyalty. Always.
Your body has been waiting to show you this truth all along.