When New Years Resolutions Fall Off: An Approach for ADHD

Every year around this time, people set their intentions and make their resolutions by choosing words of action that symbolize their desires.

I always want to be that person who maps out a plan and then methodically executes it step by steady step, but New Year’s resolutions have never really worked for my ADHD brain which constantly spends time envisioning possibilities through fantasies and dreams.

For a while I thought it was a discipline issue. Or that I forget too easily. Maybe I’m just not wired like the people who create a five-year plan and actually follow it. Yup, nope, I’m not.

I move with feeling. I can be spontaneous, emotional, intuitive, creative, excited, and then…over it and on to the next thing.

So resolutions, for me, start to feel fickle. They hold us accountable in ways that can feel rigid and outdated. They assume that the person I am on January 1 is exactly the same person I’ll be on April 16…or July 21… and I’m just not.

What works better for me is smaller rhythms and tiny plans that can shift as my energy shifts.

Some days I can do more. Some days I need less.

I’m exploring structure that doesn’t feel suffocating to my dynamism. But have also noticed something deeper: beneath almost every resolution there is a longing that’s simple and human.

Feel confident.
Feel joyous.
Feel connected.
Feel content.

Sometimes what's beneath a resolution is a deeper fear—like anxiety about getting older or running out of time. Naming that can help you move forward with more clarity.

When I look underneath the desire to “be more organized” or “practice x more” there is another desire for something truer.

So instead of big resolutions, I’ll ask different questions of my desires like:

What is the feeling I’m reaching for?
How can I cultivate that in ordinary ways, daily through small rituals?

Rituals that can either grow with me, or fall away when they no longer serve the needs of the person I’m becoming.

If resolutions work for you, amazing! If they don’t, thats good too…it’s just feedback to find different ways to channel your creative energy. By reframing the concept, you get to create the path that suits you.

If you’re like me, you may need more space to listen to the deeper message underneath the goal.

That’s what the rituals are for. 

If you’re on the market for a container and community to keep you accountable to your becoming the upcoming Consultation Group starting March 2 may be for you. When resolutions fall off, we’re left with information to process and continue to find ways to move forward.

This year try beginning again by asking yourself, what are you really longing for this year beneath the resolutions? Then build rituals around that.

If you're curious about how ADHD actually works (and why traditional advice often misses the mark), check out my piece on “Rethinking ADHD”.