Death Anxiety: Scared of Getting Older
“Our existence is forever shadowed by the knowledge that we will grow, blossom, and, inevitably, diminish and die.” -Irvin Yalom
The fear of getting old (FOGO) is a common anxiety about the physical, mental, and social declines associated with aging, including loss of independence, health issues, loneliness, and the proximity to death, fueled by societal ageism and pressure to remain youthful. In a culture where youth is glorified, aging can feel like a burden instead of the blessing that it is.
While FOGO or anxiety about getting older is a common reaction to the inevitable losses involved in living, the phobia of getting old is gerascophobia.
Gerascophobia, an irrational excessive or incessant fear of growing older or the process of aging, can be based on a number of different anxieties related to the aging process from the loss of youth and beauty to loss of independence or mobility to worry about the onset of sickness and decline of physical and mental health.
Signs and symptoms include:
efforts to stop the natural processes of aging
avoidances of phobic triggers
extreme anxiety and panic often accompanied by low mood or depression
Since gerascophobia is a rarer clinical issue, this post will focus on FOGO.
Causes of the Fear of Getting Old
Some common fears associated with FOGO include:
Physical changes & health: Worries about declining health and appearance, including fear of wrinkles.
Loss of independence: Becoming dependent on others for daily tasks.
Social changes & isolation: Outliving loved ones or feeling irrelevant/isolated.
Mortality: Confronting the inevitability of death.
Societal pressure & cultural attitudes: Ageism and the pressure to stay young.
Financial worries: concerns about retirement savings and healthcare costs.
Who Does FOGO Affect?
If you've found yourself thinking "I'm scared of getting old," here are some common reasons why:
The triggers for FOGO can vary widely and may be influenced by a variety of factors such as personal experiences, societal attitudes, and cultural expectations.
There is no set age or specific trigger for when people start to think about FOGO. For some individuals, the fear of aging in 20s may start in early adulthood (20-40), while for others, it may not emerge until later in life. Middle adulthood (40-60) is a common time when people start to become aware of FOGO.
Certain life events and circumstances can serve as triggers for FOGO. For example, witnessing the aging process in parents or loved ones may lead to an increased awareness of the aging process and trigger anxiety about one’s own ageing. Other triggers may include experiencing a significant health issue, being diagnosed with a chronic illness or just struggling with changing physical appearance.
It’s important to remember that experiencing anxiety about aging is normal and likely at some point in life.
Why is Aging So Scary?
Common reasons people are scared of getting older:
Youth-centered, ageist culture. The power of youth is everywhere in western culture. In many eastern and indigenous cultures old age is seen as an indicator of wisdom, while aging in our culture, particularly for women, makes them “irrelevant.”
Beauty standards. Hormones change, biological changes occur like the way the body produces collagen and elastin resulting in thinner looser skin. These changes are downright frightening in a culture that values beauty and constantly sends messages equating it to worth.
Running out of time. At the core of FOGO is a feeling of time slipping away and feeling unprepared to deal with issues that arise later in life or not having achieved what was expected by a certain age. Growing older can feel daunting for so many reasons, especially when dealing with aging parents and death.
Age related illness. We live in a polluted society and with time habits and patterns reveal themselves through inflammation and disease. Biological changes also occur that make us less resilient with time and age.
Loss of independence. With age people fear the loss of physical ability and mobility, as well as cognitive issues, memory loss and overall decrease in sharpness and speed.
How do you overcome the fear of aging?
Fear of aging is manageable through healthy habits, reframing perspectives, and supportive psychotherapy.
A Six Step Plan for Healthful Aging
Stay mentally and emotionally stimulated. Maintain social connections and build strong relationships, learn new skills, meet new people, go new places, find purpose, rewrite your story to value wisdom and lived experience.
Take care of your body. Eat healthfully, stay physically active, sleep well, do breathing exercises, limit alcohol etc. Poor sleep quality—including undiagnosed conditions like sleep apnea—can accelerate aging and worsen anxiety. Lifestyle choices make a big difference in the way you age. Your health is due in large part to daily choices, and what you can do is make choices that reduce stress and therefore the severity and speed of aging.
Reframe your thinking and focus on the aging advantage. Psychologically speaking, FOGO sits in between an interesting tension: on one hand there are many things to fear about aging, on the other aging is not just inevitable, it’s a privilege. It’s something to be proud of and celebrate, because the alternative is just not being alive.
Make the most of your time. Refocus on the present. Live more fully. Take risks. Live and love to your fullest capacity.
Plan for retirement. Healthcare and money related anxieties are inevitably linked.
Therapy. The best thing to do with the fear of aging is to live and love to our fullest capacity while learning to cope with and make meaning of loss. Therapy helps you do that by making space to process and navigate fears and concerns.
Age Powerfully: How Psychotherapy Can Help Cope with FOGO
While aging undoubtedly has numerous downsides, getting older doesn’t have to be scary. Aging is about who you are becoming. Aging also usually also means greater knowledge and confidence in who you are.
By learning why you’re afraid of aging, you can conquer your fears and enjoy life at any age. At The Consultation Room our approach to aging, loss and death anxieties is to help you challenge your assumptions, refocus on what you can control, connect with gratitude, reevaluate your priorities, claim your authority, and make choices in alignment with your values. Psychotherapy at The Consultation Room will help you to live more fully and courageously, so you can make the most of time.
Accumulated wisdom can be used to live life to the fullest. And with this work and good care, it’s possible to age into your best self yet.
Ask Yourself
“Would you be willing to live this past year again and again for all eternity? If not, what would you change? Change it now.” -Irvin Yalom